The Stupid Girl, In The Intelligent City

It has been a week since I moved out and came to Cyberjaya. I think I cope with my life here quite well. Schools, new classmates, lecturers, food, almost everything. But then, there’s someone, something, is crying. She’s crying every single day and night. She’s deep deep there, inside my heart. Now that I knew, it feels terrible to wake up early in the morning, and found out that you were alone, and the ones that you love are not beside you. All I got now is a well decorated, big, beautiful, empty house. My uncle go out early in the morning everyday, and come back pretty late in the night. I love it when I got the chance to talk to him, even we’re not actually that close, cos he looks a lot like my dad. And I eventually realized how much I missed him.
I used to think that going to school and staying at home alone are cool. But it’s not. Not even a little, not at all. Now I’m thousands of miles away from home, and I miss it like crazy. Now that I have a house, but not a home. I have a home but I couldn’t go back. I have friends, but I couldn’t hang out with them.
Back then, I hated it when my brother keep ordering me to do this and that. He used to yell my name all the time. And I hate it too, when my younger brother show me his “bitter gourd” face when I ask him to help me in this and and that. My mom, she annoyed me when she keep babbling, when she doesn’t think the way I did. My dad, for never be there for me, in time, when I needed him. But now, I used to cry everynight under my blanket when I’m thinking of them. Wish I can make my brother one more cup of milo and get scolded cos it’s not sweet enough. Wish I can discuss some more “bad things” with my yonger brother. Wish I can hear my mom’s voice, and wish I can have a bowl of curry noodles with my dad on a Friday morning. Wish that i can talk a lot of rubbish to my grandma, sleep on her laps, watch tv with my aunt, and ………..All this things, seemed simple but it’s so hard to come true this time.
I went out to the town yesterday, and I didn’t feel excited at all. It’s tiring. Not the body, but the soul is, I guess. Sitting on a bus, looking at the city, the streests, the cars, the buildings and all the people, they make me feel lonely and tired. I’m now in a big city, full of opportunities, but I’m all alone. I feel lost. I’m now going to one of the best university in the nation, with brilliant people around, and I’m living in a big condo, with gym, swimming pools, and other cool facilities, but my life is just meaningless. The only reason I stayed is because I have a dream. A dream to success. To graduate and have a better future, better life. It’s my family’s dream too. So I stayed. I wan’t myself to success, I want to make my family proud, and give them a better life.
There’s still a long way to go, and I know that it’s gonna be hard. But still, I need to be strong, no matter what. Luckily I have them behind me. My family, my parents, my brothers, my grandma, my aunt, my cousins. My prince, Anson, I love you. My knight, Wei, thanks for being there for me and taking care of me all these time. My bestest friends, Crystal and Yve, thanks for still loving me and bearing all my negative behaviors all the while. The one who make me smile and laugh all the time, my Yi Shi gege, ting tong, thanks a lot. Friends from Hong De, you guys rock my world!!!!!
I really miss you guys, I do. I pray that you guys stay healthy and happy all the time.

XOXO
Joeanne, the stupid girl.
10th Feb 2009